What kind of Mom gives up her baby?
Although this question isn’t always asked, it’s often thought about by those on the outside looking in on the adoption process. It’s a fair question and the truthful answer may not be shared often enough. Too many times birth mothers are being seen as selfish and irresponsible. In fact, a woman who chooses adoption for her baby is not “giving up” or “giving away”. She is making a plan. A responsible and loving plan.
There is certainly not a “typical” birth mom. Although some are in a financial crisis and feel they cannot afford a child, this is not the sole reason she chooses adoption. In the past year we have helped moms of all kinds make an adoption plan for their baby: a pregnant teen abused by a family member who wanted to break the cycles of abuse in her family, a single mom caring for a child with special needs who required one on one attention and desired for her unborn child to have the attention they needed, a college student who had been raped and did not feel she could provide for the emotional needs of a child, an unmarried businesswoman who longed for her child to have a father, a foreign exchange student facing harsh penalties at home for getting pregnant. You see, these women knew that parenting was much more involved than “keeping” a baby or providing for a child’s physical needs. Parenting requires being available long term for a child’s physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs.
We have found that all of these mommas, although in vastly different situations, have a few very special things in common. They are selfless; they love their child deeply, and they desire to see their child thrive. Each one of these women made the decision to put their child’s needs above their own comfort and pride. They walked through the many difficult steps of making this plan for their child and they followed it through.
So what kind of mom does give up her baby? Quite possibly it is the mom who, although would love nothing more than to parent this child, recognizes her current situation for what it is and her own power to choose a different one for her baby.