What led you to consider adoption for your child?
I went to the pregnancy clinic in my town, took a pregnancy test, and confirmed I was pregnant. I shared with the counselor at the pregnancy clinic that I was going to have an abortion because I was in an abusive relationship and I didn’t feel like I could parent another child. I had two young children and just recently had my youngest daughter. Abortion seemed like a quick fix to my problems.
The counselor presented the option of placing my unborn child for adoption and gave me a few brochures of adoption agencies in the area. When I left the pregnancy clinic, I researched these different agencies on Google to read different reviews. I called a few different agencies that day but became discouraged and worn out from calling so many different places and seeing a few bad reviews. I gave up. The next morning when I woke up, I found the Lifeline brochure in my bed. I decided to call Lifeline and immediately got connected to a counselor at Lifeline that same day. My counselor was so joyful and bubbly. Her positivity made me motivated to move forward in making the adoption plan and made me believe I could do it.
I felt exhausted in my life from parenting two young children and discouraged after an abusive relationship and like I needed a way out of my unexpected pregnancy, but I came to discover that hurting a child was not the way out. My mother was an alcoholic and became pregnant with me, but she chose life for me and placed me for adoption and I wanted to give life to my unborn son.
What sort of pressures may you have had from outside people when you were pregnant and considering adoption?
My sister offered to adopt the baby but she had three children of her own and I knew in my heart that wasn’t the best decision for the child. I knew my child would have a more stable home life in a two-parent adoptive family that has been praying and preparing for a child.
What do you want others to know about birthparents?
That we are not selfish. We want what is best for the child. Some people may think that we are placing the child because we don’t care but that is not true. We want the absolute best life possible for the child.
I had originally said that I didn’t want to see my son in the hospital after he was born because I thought it would be too hard. But the moment I heard him cry I wanted to see. I was the very first person to get to see him. When I looked into his face, it was confirmation that he deserved the best life possible. I still knew in my heart adoption was the best plan for his life.
There were plenty of times where I fell back and would think to myself “I can take care of this baby”, but for me, I knew I had to go with my first instinct. I also knew that I didn’t want hurt the adoptive family, who could really make sure he’s taken care of and love him as much as I do. I wanted to be able to bless a family with a child.
How was your Lifeline counselor helpful for you as you considered options for your child and after placing your child for adoption?
Lifelines staff was supportive throughout my entire pregnancy. They helped me in all areas of life such as helping me find housing, connecting me to a church, helping me find child care during my time in the hospital, etc. and served as a support person throughout my pregnancy and have been there for me after my delivery and adoption, too.
What is your relationship with your Lifeline counselor like now, after placing your child for adoption?
I still have a close, great relationship with my Lifeline counselor even now and we meet regularly. My counselor has remained supportive even after the adoption. Every year on the Sunday before Mother’s Day, Lifeline hosts an event called “Birth Mother’s Day” to honor women who have made the brave decision to place for adoption. I attended Lifeline’s “Birth Mother’s Day” with my counselor last April. I was praying that my counselor would get lost on the way there because didn’t want to face the emotions that I knew would come that day. The Birth Mother’s Day banquet made me realize that people really do want to hear about the birth mothers aspect of the adoption. It made me realize we aren’t forgotten. The Birth Mothers banquet has given me the courage to share my story.
What does your relationship look like with your child’s adoptive parents now?
It is great! We talk regularly. They send pictures of my son and I send them pictures of my daughters. When the adoptive family sends me updates on my son, I can literally see him. She is very detailed in her descriptions, which I love. The adoptive family gave me a stuffed animal frog and my son has the same stuffed animal frog that they include in every picture they send to me. My two daughters know about their little brother. They look at the letters and pictures the adoptive family sends with me. We all have normal conversation about him all the time. My older daughter understands, but my younger daughter doesn’t fully yet. My daughters know that the John and Sarah are their little brother’s parents, but that their little brother is always with us in our hearts. God made it clear to me that the adoptive family for my son was John and Sarah after looking through several adoptive family profiles. I wasn’t going to pick an adoptive family based on my race; I wanted to pick an adoptive family based on my heart. I felt, even more, confirmation and peace about John and Sarah after meeting them. I mentioned in our first meeting that I was hungry and craving beef jerky. In our second meeting, they brought me beef jerky. I had also shared that I like poetry in our first meeting, so they got me a pink journal. I use the journal to write letters to my son in. They also got my daughters a gift and a plaque with a cross on it. They are so thoughtful and loving towards me.
What is one thing you want your child to know about you and the decision you made?
I made the adoption plan for him, not for myself. I wanted better for him. I wanted him to be safe and to know that he is loved. I could have done all that, but I feel that he completes John and Sarah’s family; I feel like he made their family complete. It was truly what God placed on my heart to do for his life.